Love? Are you the one?

i never love myself at all

2009-10-21T08:29:00.002-07:00

I had not been blogging in cmstory.blogspot.com since 27 aug 2009, the month of sept is a sweet month for me, because i began to trust her again, meet her a couple of times in the month of sept...so easily i began to trust her again,she just need to mention something, i will take note of it....just like a memo pad.

im very sad, once again i lost trust in her....now even as a friend....but i told myself it is part of life, after what happened with felicia during april to may period....that was the first time i cried this year, cause i was really very heart broken....again history repeat again....im at fault by treating ppl nice, what sandra and xiaoqing said is the truth about me.

xiao qing mentioned that i always fall but fall half way only.....im too persistant and strong will, my stubborness lead the half way fall me,this 2009 is really a bad year for me, i had not been happy in love life,$$$ and work too....so fast ,nov and dec coming....im human, i also like surprises and happiness...but i knew i will not get ...i always need to learn from my own lessons, but seem like im not learning.....ppl really take my kindness for granted.

At work, im now hanging and choosing if im going to sign for life or cross over to the casino line, im still considering, in love, it is like forever bad luck since 2003, $$$ now im in a crisis, im in debt myself after helping ppl so much, now i dunno how to help myself...since starting from jan till now, i asked myself, have i ever dote myself or buy anything i like for myself, the answer is NO.I keep buying things for ppl i like, alone felicia, i had spent a big hole, what i got in the end? not even a friendship left...now miss A .....well i never blame on them....it is myself who wanted to dote on the ppl i like.

My thai friend that born on 17 oct, Ana told me, she said i never love myself at all, she said have to love myself and dote myself first then love other...i guess what she said is right....i never love myself at all.....i always think for the person i like and love first....willingly to do unconditional things for them....but i never know that kindness will not be paid.

I really hate liar.....it make my heart so weak....maybe these life experience made myself grown up, emotionally i had to strengthen myself by all this unwanted hurt, maybe i had to thank these persons that appeared in my life....they made me realise that life is really not an easy road....as xiao qing had told me, althought she is younger than me, but the things she seen in life and play before is surely more than me...

so what you are romantic and can plan the most surprises date or birthday to the person you like or love? the most important thing is, love are you the one to the person?

april, bangkok chao praya river cruise that i had plan for felicia, that 2 hour candlelight dinner cruise is so romantic, but to her is just a normal cruise plus motion sick.

the never happened, birthday celebration that plan to give the 27 present at 3 different location also never happened....the art piece that i had made feel so wasted..

i feel like crying, i feel so tired in my heart....now i really believe what the shifu told me about, the lady that told me before, be careful of woman and $....and serangoon shifu also told me the same thing this year may....careful of $ and the woman that is going to appear in my life.....now i strongly believe them.

Sometimes i really feel so alone......i need a holiday....i may leave singapore and settle down somewhere for a period of time....now i had made my choice, i will leave my current job for sure, even thought the pay is so stable that i dun need to worry about anything...but i just want my freedom.....i want to get out of the "square box" that felicia once told me, the only way is set myself free from current job.

All i wanted in my life is happiness, not $, $ to me is not important at all, if i can use $ to see a person heart, it is so worth it....$ made people look so ugly sometimes....

2009-10-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

坦白的坏人，还是放手的好人?

17 sept when i was on my way to mustafa center to buy her birthday presents.....i saw her, but i was really surprise to see her with the thai guy that she introduced me at the thai pub....i hear her calling him darling from far....suddenly i feel so depressed....i walked over and tap her shoulder and asked her, why she never got to malaysia? she had told me she went to malaysia with her aunties for a couple of days.....but i saw her there....when she told me she not going anymore and the thai guy is going back soon.....i just smile and turn back and walked away.....while i was walking away....i dunno why i feel sad.....sad cause why must she lie to me?

2 oct , she lie again, she told me her auntie is giving her a surprise, she brought her air tickets to bali and chiangmai for her coming birthday......she did not have enough $, again i lend her some.....after that i found out that she actuaally went to thailand and spend 3 weeks there with the thai bf.i knew she just treat me as a friend, but why must you lie to a friend? she can tell her other friends and family members she going to thailand to meet her thai bf.....why cant she tell me the truth and wanted to lie to me? she made me feel that she is using me.....im so sad.....she let me down once by cheating me and using me before...i trusted her again....but now again, she let me down.....she make me feel that only when i lend her $ then im a friend to her.

She knew i treat her very good, i knew love cant force.....but why must she lie? i told her before, i can accept anything about her, even that she went girls home, went prison, abortion before.....i like her now and her future but not the past...i dun mind.....i knew i cant give her whatever she wants.....when i know her costmetic used up....i offer to buy her new one.....when she no $ do hair....i treat her.....when she wanted new clothes online....i one time buy her 7 piece from whatladieswants.com .... when she is sick, i bring her see doctors a few times, when she say she hungry, i brought porridge for her or order online fast foods for her....when she told me she not using her mum hp anymore....i got her a hi card and top up 128 for her with my hp. i knew all i did is on my own will, she never forced me to do it.

She told me before, she have her choices, there are so many guys around.....she cant promise me that she will be with me in future.....i knew that....i understand.....even be friend, why must there be a lie? the 27 present i prepare all really got meaning.....i gave her 9 of them first before she left for thailand.

i felt so hurt when i knew she actually bluffed me and told me that her auntie wana give her surprise....and brought the tickets for her....but she actually had planned before hand the trip.....she just need to say she is stress and i knew what she stress about....it is all about $....she jus need to hint something....i will fall into her "trick" and offer to help her....i wonder did she wonder that how much i had help her?

she once told me when she was drunk, she had a thai bf but nothing, she likes me a little....she asked me to give her sometimes....she knew i treat her good....now i believe what she said when drunk.....but i knew she never really like me before.

she will never understand the hurt i had....cause all i wanted is to let her be happy...if she can be happy with the thai guy....i wish her the best.....but all i can say, she made me lost the trust in her again even as a friend.....i wonder what am i to her at the 1st place? a friend or someone she playing as a toy? i feel so sad as i wrote this, i maybe jealous of the thai guy...but if i know she happy....i should be happy for her.

All my care and concern are just secondary and not primary....the birthday celebration i planned for her shattered....when i knew she will be away for 3 weeeks....the leave i took are wasted.....when i told her this...she told me maybe i was not fated to celebrate with her....this hurt me......she asked me to wait for her to come back.....i say i will...

when i was browsing my email and saw someone email me a website to let me see who blocked me in MSN....i was shocked that she was actually one of them that had blocked me in MSN.....i was so crestfallen to see that.....i asked myself again, what am i to this person? im not even a friend at all.

Everytime before i went to sleep, i was so looking forward for her sms, there were a few times, when i think of her, at that moment, she would sms me goodnite.....when my hp beep! beep! everytime, i was hopping the sms sent would be her....im so easily please by her....when she send me sms, im so happy....it actually brighten my tiring day at work....

你是好人也是個壞人
對我坦誠，只爲了朝他狂奔

.............

我知道，在你的眼里，我只是一个"朋友"，但你知道我的痛吗?

容忍的人其实拼不笨，只是宁愿对自己残忍，既然爱不愉温，祝福就给你下一个人，

你是好人，也是个坏人
對我坦誠，只爲了朝他狂奔

不能放任，所以放了
这点痛我还能忍

宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人变成路人

2009-09-23T09:27:00.000-07:00

ultimate most romantic birthday celebration plan by jerson yeo

I had plan to give that someone i like and wanted to love 27 different birthday present on her coming 27th birthday present.It will be the most romantic, surprise and happy birthday in her life.

I will wrap the 27 present myself on the same kind of birthday wrapping paper.....i will label each and every one of them from 1 to 27......number 10,18, and 27 will be the special birthday present she will be recieving.Each and every birthday present will have a special little note in it,tell her why i give her this present.

i will placed the 27 present into my car boot....and i will design that small area with "happy birthday angeline" on it......first i will pick her up at 10am.....when she reach my car, i will show her a birthday cake, light up a candle and sing her happy birthday song......give her pink roses.Then i will bring her to somewhere, our 1st location to have brunch.....then i will show her the car boot and asked her to pick 9 out of 27 present from there....then we will open the present at the place we going to eat....

after noon, we will go ktv, i will sing her some nice songs, again will pick 9 out of the 18 present from there and open in the ktv room.

At night, we will go singapore flyer and have dinner there......will bring the remaining 6 present out of 9 to singapore flyer...inside there, she will open the presents there.

then remaining 3 of them, label 10,18 and 27 , i will asked her to open inside my car before we go back.......the number 27 is a scrap book make by myself as follow...

page 1 - i got a story to tell
page 2 - this july i got to know a girl.
page 3 - the most beautiful girls are not these girls, (picture of jolin and miss universe)
page 4 - but is the person that is in this coming picture
page 5 - mirror (reflect her)
page 6 - i/m just telling a joke laah, hahahahaha!
page 7 - I actually wana tell something.......
page 8 - i had known a cute,sweet,kind girl
page 9 - now i had slowly fall for her and i love her.
page 10 - angeline, would you be jerson yeo's gf?

2 years old - loverutheone

2009-02-13T17:50:00.000-08:00

2 years old - loverutheone
hi peeps, loverutheone.blogspot.com wishes all happy valentine day, spend this precious day with your love ones.

Love is a feeling, a way to express out your innermost care.

Love is a joy for two, to be together no matter sadness or happiness.

Love is a must for spiritual growth.Love makes you real; otherwise you remain just a fantasy, a dream with no substance in it..

Love gives you substance,integrity.Don/t avoid love.go through it,with all its pain.yes its hurts..but if you are in love it does not matter.in fact,all those hurts strengthen you.sometimes it really hurts badly,terribly, but all those wound are necessary to provoke, to challenge you.

Love is not a passion,Love is not an emotion,Love is a very deep understanding that somebody somehow completes you.

The presence of the other enchances your presencethe feeling is strong, just that pure presence, nothing else, is enough to make you happy...you are in love.

Sex is not love,sex is just a exercise between two body,so never think sex as love,otherwise you will be deceived.

The feeling of being love...the care, the way of being possess by someone, the hug, the kiss by someone you love is totally undescriable.....it can only be feel.......where is the love?

The new Enviroment - colorado - part 10

2009-01-11T22:27:00.000-08:00

Juliana moved to America and started her new life with Victor, she miss her family very much and also fabian.She cried almost every night, she had to hide her tears every night before she goes to bed.

Juliana's routine life in colorado is kind of boring, she would cook breakfast and dinner for victor, and wait for him to come home everyday.Her only entertainment the internet and tv....throught internet she made a few filipino friends around her neighbourhood, sometimes she would go out with her friends.

Juliana wanted to study, she had asked victor to help her to enroll in a local college, but victor keep telling her to wait.Juliana could only wait wait wait....the most happiest thing she could do everyday is using the internet yahoo messenger chatting with her best friends, catherine and wendy and also sometimes she would meet fabian online...but she put blocked fabian from seeing her.They had not chat with each other for 6 months...neither did fabian ever send her a message online or even a offline message.

The date of departure - Juliana's flight PQ211 - part 9

2008-11-15T19:29:00.000-08:00

Victor had settled everything for Juliana,he brought a new house for Juliana's family, and gave a sum of $$$ to Juliana parents as part of their wedding.The day before Juliana leave for America,she is still confused by her action, she asked herself,did she make the right choice to accept Victor? the big age gap between them, 30 years, is there going to be love?

Juliana cried, she will miss her family, her friends here.She is going to a country that totally different from her culture here.A new enviroment is waiting her to discover, and the chance for her to her dream, the first step to it.

Juliana told herself, she wanted to work hard and earn alot of $, she wana upgrade herself in everything.

Before Juliana went to the airport, she use her cell phone and sent Fabian a last sms.

she wrote,

" good bye, take care always, all the best."

The goodbye to philippines- part 8

2008-11-12T09:54:00.000-08:00

2 weeks after that phone call to Victor, he came back again to surigao and meet Juliana.He was excited about his future young beautiful wife going to be.Victor promised juliana, he would help her family and support her family in financial.

Juliana packed her luggages and left Luzon without a word,she does not want Fabian to know that she actually going to marry to Victor.She told no one except her 2 best friend, Wendy and Catherine.

Wendy and Catherine did not really support her idea of marrying to Victor, but as their best friend, she had to give their the support.

The night before Juliana left for America, she went to the beach 2 miles away from her house. That usual hang out place for her and Fabian, the place where she agreed to be Fabian's girlfriend 2 years ago.

Juliana sat by the coconut tree and cry after looking at the engraving of
" Fabian love Juliana forever "

that words that both engraved together on that coconut tree bark.

She cry asked herself,

" why? why? did this love faded between me and Fabian? "

Juliana took a small stone and engraved a few words on that same coconut tree again....

she wrote,
" Mingaw ko nimu(which means i miss u in cebuano), Fabian, goodbye 23 11 2007 "

The chance of her dream - part 7

2008-11-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

That heart break call to Fabian gave Juliana a final verdict to herself, she decided to go America with Victor.She had think throught a few nights, crying out and thinking about her future, her family future and Fabian.

She told herself, she want a change of her life.But she is still confused by her sudden action.America? is the only chance for her to change her life?

Annnouncement!! loverutheone is back!

2008-10-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

Hi all readers, after this few months, i had decide to continue finish this loverutheone story 2 - the girl from luzon.

Actually all the stories i wrote in here is true and happened before,this time im part of this "told half way story", i will continue to write part 7 after this long 8 mths.

stay tune for this romantic, lovely? heartache story. :)

2008-03-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

The phone call - part 6

Juliana had not talk to fabian for a long time, it had been months.So she decided to call him and tell him about Victor's proposal.But she ended up a disappointing call.

Juliana called,
"Hi baby, what are you doing now? i miss you so much."

A woman answered the phone,
"which baby you looking for?"

Juliana replied,
"sorry,maybe i dial the wrong number."

Juliana called again,
"Fabian? is it you?."

The woman answered again,
"Fabian? who are you looking for him?,Im his girlfriend."

Juliana drop her hp off her hand, and did not reply to that woman.She keep asking herself why?why?why? why did their love became like that? who is that woman? is it Fabian's new girlfriend?Juliana cried the whole day inside her room.

........

Fabian just reached home from his training,he did not bring his hp, left his hp in the toliet the whole day, that woman,Rachal is her new girl friend in Manila.Rachal told Fabian that just now, a woman called his hp.

Fabian rushed to the toliet and picked up his hp, it was Juliana.

Fabian called Juliana,
the phone rang a few times,Juliana did not want to answer.

Fabian texted her in sms,
" Jul, i know you find out the truth,im sorry to hurt you,i just can/t bring myself to tell you this,i hope you understand,our love had really faded,our dreams are not the same,is better that we part."

Juliana after seeing the message,she did not reply Fabian.Instead, she called Victor and told him,she accepted his proposal.Juliana was confused by her action, she knew she made this rush acception is to hide her feeling away from Fabian and at the same time, she could accomplish her dreams to work oversea.

Juliana told herself, she will forget Fabian! she wants him out of her life.She will not think of her anymore.

2008-02-23T17:10:00.000-08:00

The West to East chat - part 5

Juliana miss Fabian, before Fabian left for Manila, he gave Juliana his favorite boxing gloves and told her, one day he will be back.

Whenever Juliana miss Fabian, she will take out the gloves from her drawer and look at it.

Victor never forgets about Juliana, he still remember her lovely pair of eyes, her sweet beautiful smile he had saw at the night market that night.

Victor would chat with Juliana until very late in the night, Juliana tells off her sorrows to the screen where Victor viewed every night.They became good friends in the net, and slowly Victor falls for her.Althought he knew, the 30 years old age gap between them, he wants to get settle down with a family after his divorce 10 years ago with his ex wife,Nancy.

This continuous West to East chat, developed something, a bond call "internet love" again, but this time Victor is very sure that Juliana is not a trans,cause he had meet her before a year ago, her smile is still left in his memory.

After 1 year, Victor came back to the village of surigao again, this time to meet Juliana.Victor fell for Juliana, and he proposed to her and wanted to her to go over to America with her.Juliana stilll could not forget Fabian,she wants to wait for him back.But Juliana also think that if she marry to Victor, she could success her dream earlier.

Juliana could not give herself a answer, future or love? she decided to give Fabian a call and tell him about it.

2008-02-22T16:27:00.000-08:00

Fabian, her love - part 4

Juliana's love, fabian, althought he is a ambition guy but he is also a romantic guy.He trained at st jones boxing gym every day and is a boxer there.Everyday after his training, he would pick up Juliana off work at the bank with his bicycle.

Life was simple and sweet.

Both of them have dream, Juliana's dream is to work aboard somedays, Fabian's dream is to become a national boxer and fight in Manila national indoor stadium one day.

Chances came, for Fabian but not for Juliana.Fabian won the local annual boxing tournament in Luzon island.His fierce attacks, and no mercy blows in the ring attracted the head coach of Cebu boxing club in Manila.He was invited to the capital of Phlippines, Manila, this chance is a route and stepping stone for Fabian, his first step of his dreams.

Fabian asked Juliana to go over with him together in Manila.She rejected, she could not leave her family, she still have to work and support the family.So Fabian left for Manila to realise his dream.He promised Juliana, he will be back one day when he success.

They wrote letters to each other evey week without fail.The love is there, they managed to keep this love in the letters of writing, but the touch and feel is fading each days.

2008-02-21T16:05:00.000-08:00

The dating website - lonely singles - part 3

Victor was lucky that his credit cards were still in his wallets.He was sad to find out the true of Mary, yet he did not want to go back America with no hope.Victor went to a internet cafe nearby the hotel where he stayed.Throught the Internet explorer that he used in one of the computer in the cafe, he found a website link in the history of internet explorer, the lonely singles, a dating website that locals used to create profile just like friendster..Victor register it and found Jane.

Jane is Juliana's cousin, she stays just 4 houses away from Juliana.Victor contacted Jane throught the message in lonely singles.At that time, Jane had a Australian boyfriend, and she was pregnant.So she did not meet Victor, instead she asked Juliana to meet Victor. Because both Juliana and Jane look alike in feature.

Juliana agreed to help Jane to meet Victor,but unknown that Victor is from lonely singles.

Their first meeting was at a night market, it was the first time Victor saw Juliana.Her beautiful long wavy hair, big twinkling eyes and little shy smile attracted him.Juliana did not really have any impression on him, cause Victor is just a 50 years old man, the gap age between them is really far apart, Juliana was 20 then.She came for the sake of Jane.But Juliana still become a friend to Victor.

Victor went back to colorado to continue his basketcall coaching, but at the same time, he still keeps contact with Juliana throught MSN.

2008-02-20T15:22:00.000-08:00

The internet chat - part 2

Althought surigao is a small village, internet is still available.Juliana save part of her earnings in the office girl job to buy herself her first laptop, her first computer of her life.This laptop is her 1 year saving, a precious belonging to her.And it is also the tool for communication to the world,when she had free time, she will surf the net and log on to internet relay chats.

She had made some oversea online friends from america,singapore,switzerland.She continue to support the family and save a portion of her savings.She knew one day, this saving will come to a good use.She tried ways to ask her online friends find jobs for her overseas.She never success,she was devasted, but she never give up.

At the same time, she met fabian.Fabian is a boxer,he represented surigao village and Luzon island for local boxing matches.He met Juliana in the bank where she was working.Love stuck between them, and they started dating for a few weeks.

Juliana accepted Fabian, and they became couple.Fabian is also a ambition guy, to him, boxing come first, the ring is his first piority.His dream is to represent philippines in international tournament one day.

She pray to god everyday, hope one day her dream will come true.Just when she was about to give up the hope of working oversea.

A path of light came, hope came.........

Victor, was another chatter in the internet relay chats in another part of the hemisphere, he is a basketball coach in one of the high school in colorado, America.A frequent chatter in the net, brought himself to the amazing eastern part of the world, philippines.Victor came to surigao village look for a chat mate of his,Mary.Victor had chat with Mary for quite sometimes, he had fall in love with Mary.So this time, he came all the way from the west to the east,just to see the beauty of his eyes, his internet love.

But unknown to Victor, Mary is a trans, "she" had her sex change operation 3 years ago before "she" met Victor online, she started grow her hair long and put up make ups.Althought Mary was a guy before, "her" voice is girlish enough for her to pose as a girl.Victor did not notice the true identity of Mary till the 3rd night of his stay in surigao village,Victor found out the true when he saw the scar below Mary, when they were having sex.

Mary broke the news to him and told him the true, "she" was once a man.Victor was really puzzled and shocked to know that his "internet love" was once a guy.He could not accept "her".Victor broke off with Mary.

Mary was very sad, but "she" wanted a revenge on Victor."She" meet Victor at one of the bar to settle the ending "love" they had, unknown to Victor, while he went to the rest room, Mary spike his drinks."She" added sleeping pills into his drinks.The next day when Victor woke up, he found himself next to the rubbish bins in front of the bar.His moneys, his camera, his PDA were all gone, Mary took everything away.

2008-02-19T14:49:00.000-08:00

The girl from the island call Luzon - part 1

In one of the thousand islands of philippines, there is a island called luzon.Just 5 km south of the sea port,luzon,there is a village call surigao.Juliana was born in the family of six, she stays with her 2 parents, and 3 younger brothers.Her dad is a fisherman,while her mum is a vendor at one of the food stall at surigao village.As the eldest child of the family, she had to look after her brothers, family and also at the same time continue her study in high school.

Juliana's dream since young is to be a doctor and she hope to work oversea somedays.In the village of surigao, most of the people there are fishermans, carpentars and farmers, rather a poor village.Juliana hope one day she could step out of the village and see the world one day. she dream she could go America or Europe one day, to see what is the other part of the world look like.

Tragic happened just when she finished high school, her dad got intestine cancer, the main bread winner of the family, her dad had no choice but to stop working as a fisherman, the house income drop.Her mum work 15 hours a day just to take over as the bread winner of the family, the little money that her mum earn is just enough for the family meals and dad's medical fees every month.

At the same time, Juliana with her good result, she managed to enter the best college in Luzon.She choose to drop school and work together with her mum to support the family.She did not forget her dream, she wants to work oversea one day.Altought she quit school for the family, she still managed to read some books and continue to study english herself when she is free.

She knew, english is the most important languages, it is the communication path for her in future for her dream.With her determination and strong will, and her above average english, she managed to find a office girl job at one of the bank in Luzon.

2008-02-14T17:35:00.000-08:00

Valentine day 2008

Happy valentine day all! Loverutheone will have new stories soon, stay tune! sorry for not writing for so long.

Love is acceptance.

6 mths had past! Jinming had totally forgot about peijing, he just hope she is well and really in love, not fling this time.

Love is not selfish, Love is in you.

The Final truth - part 24

2007-10-16T00:29:00.000-07:00

Jenny had added Jinming in msn.... but they had not really met in the net.Finally on 30 sept, they met in the msn.

Jenny told jinming everything about peijing...Jinming is so sad to know about the truth, what peijing had said and done are all lies.She cheated Johnston,and him.

In a moment of anger, he smsed peijing and scolded her, that fierce word "bitch" came into the picture.

Peijing was very angry when Jinming scolded her bitch.

In a fierce exchange of words in the sms,

Peijing typed,
" You are just a fool that let me play all around, a loser that try to turn the table, i deeply love my bf now, so get out of my life."

" Dumbo, it must be Johnston that had told you everything, i dun care who told you all this things, i dun give a damn on it, i did not cheat anyone."

Jinming was hurt by her words, he replied.
" bitch, i had never regret what i did all along for you, because what i had done is true to a person, at least my conscience is clear, if your conscience is not clear, you would not have message me in msn and told me you are sorry, what you had done, you know, karma will get you. "

That is the final ending of everything, 2 hours later, peijing tried to call jinming, but he never pick it up, he is very disappointed by her.

Jinming got the final answer of everything, the messenger send by heaven to tell him everything.Peijing had shown her true colour, but jinming still believe in the start, her words in the sms is based on a moment of anger, her conscience is not clear.He hate her,he force himself to hate her, so that he could forget her.

Jinming deleted her away from msn, deleted her away from friendster and facebook, deleted her blog url away from his fav list and had not read her blog since the day she knew she suddenly had a bf.

Johnston went back to his normal life, still a manager in his work, he learnt a lesson.

kevin is still a MIA figure in peijing's memory.

Quiton still shower peijing with expensive gifts and makes her live a luxury life,but unknown to Quiton, in peijing's heart, there is only Kevin.She loves the gifts from Quiton only.

The SORRY message - part 23

2007-10-15T01:32:00.000-07:00

Jinming was sleeping when Peijing message him in msn.

Peijing texted,
" I know you may hate me or what, im really sorry, but i hope one day if we meet, it will be a happy one."

20 mins gone, there is still no reply from Jinming.

Peijing texted again,
" you dun wana talk to me again is it? "

Her message was never replied.

The next morning when jinming woke up, he saw her message.He felt nothing at all, she is no more the reason that let him smile anymore.He believes that peijing is confused about her actions, but he told himself he must forget this woman.

Jinming closed the window of her msn, he told himself, he will never reply her message in here anymore....the more she text him the more he find her fake.

The Messenger from her blog link - part 22

2007-10-05T11:37:00.000-07:00

Peijing seldom update her blog, it is like 3 to 4 entries for 1 month....her sisters in her blog link would read her blog once in a while.

Jenny was one of them, she is one of her sisters in her blog link. Peiying had linked one of Jinming's blog in her blog.

Jenny happened to read Jinming's blog, and found out all the things Jinming had done for her, found out all this while the things had happened.Jenny really got a shocked.

First thing in Jenny's mind was.
" haizz, another victim."

Jenny knew about kevin,quiton,johnston exist....but never knew so far away...there is still another Jinming.

Jenny read everything jinming had wrote, she decided to tell jinming about it.....so she had been using a fake name to talk him....she used kw in jinming blog and tagged a few times, makes jinming notice her.

Jinming had wondered about this kw, first thing in his mind, he knew that that kw want to tell him something about peijing....he had asked and tried to know who is kw?

All the while, after that phonecall, peijing had not contact jinming...

Peijing had actually read jinming blog a few times after their last phonechat, she posed as ...... in jinming tag board and asked him to continue to write his story, maybe peijing will be back? and at the same time ask kw, she know peijing?

Peijing had already wondered and notice this kw....but she never knows it was Jenny, one of her sisters in her blog link.

Jenny is a clever person, she created a msn account using kw as her name and added jinming in msn....she dun want jinming to know who is she.

Standby lover?

2007-10-04T02:52:00.000-07:00

ไม่เหงาไม่มาใช่ไหม อยากได้ค่อยมาใช่ไหม
If you're not lonely you won't come, is that right? If you want something you'll eventually show up, am I right?

เห็นเป็นคนแก้ขัดหรือยังไง หยุดเลยไม่เอา
Do you think I am just a substitute of someone? Stop it, I don't want it.

ไม่คุ้มในความเจ็บช้ำ ที่เธอตอบแทน เราเป็นแฟนกันซะเปล่า
I don't deserve this pain that you've repaid me with, are we lovers or not?

อยากได้แค่ของชั่วคราว ก็เชิญไปหาข้างหน้าดีกว่าไหมเธอ
All you wanted were just temporary, would it be better for you to move on ahead?

คนฆ่าเวลา หรือค่าฉันมีแค่นี้
A person to kill your time with, am I worth only this much?

บอกฉันมาที เธอคบฉันไว้ทำไม
Tell me why are you still hanging out with me?

หรือเพียงแค่ที่ระบาย ผ่อนคลายอารมณ์ตอนเหงาใจ
Am I just someone to release your emotions and make you feel at ease when you're lonely?

อยากมาก็มา เบื่อกันก็ไป อย่างนั้น ใช่ไหม
So you come as you please and when you're bored of me, you leave like that, am I right?

กอดฉันเบาๆ แกล้งทำเป็นคิดถึง
You hug me softly and pretend you missed me.

บอกรักครั้งหนึ่ง ไม่ได้ซึ้งเท่าไร
Said you loved me once, it didn't impress me much.

เมื่อตอนที่ฉันต้องการ เธอเองก็ยังมาหายไป
Whenever I need you, you'd never shown up.

กล้าพูดได้ไหม ว่าเรายังเป็นคนรัก
Dare to say that can you? that we're still lovers...

สนุกกับใครไปวันๆ หลงลืมฉันไว้ที่ตรงไหน
You just spend you time with others. Where was I marred by your negligence?

พอทีอย่ามานิสัย ตอนจะเดียวดาย ค่อยมานึกถึงกัน
Enough, don't gimme that behaviour. When you're alone, you'll slowly realise it.

ไม่เหงาไม่มาใช่ไหม อยากได้ค่อยมาใช่ไหม
If you're not lonely you won't come, is that right? If you want something you'll eventually show up, am I right?

เห็นเป็นคนแก้ขัดหรือยังไง หยุดเลยไม่เอา
Do you think I am just a substitute of someone? Stop it, I don't want it.

ไม่คุ้มในความเจ็บช้ำ ที่เธอตอบแทน เราเป็นแฟนกันซะเปล่า
I don't deserve this pain that you've repaid me with, are we lovers or not?

อยากได้แค่ของชั่วคราว ก็เชิญไปหาข้างหน้าดีกว่าไหมเธอ
All you wanted were just temporary, would it be better for you to move on ahead?

(Interlude)

สนุกกับใครไปวันๆ หลงลืมฉันไว้ที่ตรงไหน
You just spend you time with others. Where was I marred by your negligence?

พอทีอย่ามานิสัย ตอนจะเดียวดาย ค่อยมานึกถึงกัน
Enough, don't gimme that behaviour. When you're alone, you'll slowly realise it.

ไม่เหงาไม่มาใช่ไหม อยากได้ค่อยมาใช่ไหม
If you're not lonely you won't come, is that right? If you want something you'll eventually show up, am I right?

เห็นเป็นคนแก้ขัดหรือยังไง หยุดเลยไม่เอา
Do you think I am just a substitute of someone? Stop it, I don't want it.

ไม่คุ้มในความเจ็บช้ำ ที่เธอตอบแทน เราเป็นแฟนกันซะเปล่า
I don't deserve this pain that you've repaid me with, are we lovers or not?

อยากได้แค่ของชั่วคราว ก็เชิญไปหาข้างหน้าดีกว่าไหมเธอ
All you wanted were just temporary, would it be better for you to move on ahead?

ไม่เหงาไม่มาใช่ไหม อยากได้ค่อยมาใช่ไหม
If you're not lonely you won't come, is that right? If you want something you'll eventually show up, am I right?

เห็นเป็นคนแก้ขัดหรือยังไง หยุดเลยไม่เอา
Do you think I am just a substitute of someone? Stop it, I don't want it.

ไม่คุ้มในความเจ็บช้ำ ที่เธอตอบแทน เราเป็นแฟนกันซะเปล่า
I don't deserve this pain that you've repaid me with, are we lovers or not?

อยากได้แค่ของชั่วคราว ก็เชิญไปหาข้างหน้าดีกว่าไหมเธอ
All you wanted were just temporary, would it be better for you to move on ahead?

The words above the english words is thai, this is lyrics of a thai song by am fine.

The sudden phonecall from her - part 21

2007-10-03T03:11:00.000-07:00

Jinming did not contact peijing for a few days, the msn messages that peijing send was not replied at all by jinming.

Jinming was sad about peijing recent MIA actions, he really hoped he could understand her more? talk to her more? but whenever he wanted to knock at the her door heart, she did not answer at all.

That deleted xanga blog entry had always been in jinming's mind, he still dun understand why peijing delete that entry off, his only conclusion is, peijing scare kevin will see that blog entry, so she delete it off....jinming all the while had knew that kevin is the one she miss.Jinming would refreshed the xanga blog everytime he online, hope that the deleted entry would be back one day.

But it always end up seeing the same thing, the only entry first entry she had wrote.

On 11 sept, her 3am his 12pm....peijing gave a call to jinming....

he was in his sleep, he wondered who would call him at this time....he picked up his Nokia 73 and saw it was peijing!!!!!!!

he was so delighted and answered the call.

Jinming.
"hello."

Peijing.
" Hi, how is your LA trip? is it fun? "

Jinming.
"Nope, it was not really that fun at all."

Peijing.
" why you did not replied my msn messages? and my tag board? "

Jinming.
" oh, i was sleeping that time. "

Peijing.
" ic, do i have to pay by calling you now? "

Jinming.
" yes, of course...."

Peijing.
" then i off the line, i call you next time"

Jinming can/t bear to drop the phone.
" ermm, why not i call you now, is cheaper."

They off the line.Jinming called her immediately.

Peijing.
" yup, ermmmm"

Jinming.
" is your eyes better? u mention that your dad is in hospital in your blog? how is he?"

Peijing.
" yup better i guess, just having fever now, feeling drowsy, taking so much medicine,that dad is so call my god dad. "

Peijing.
" i feeling very sleepy now, i call you again, good nite. "

Jinming.
" can i say no? but ok dun force you,good night to you. "

After the phonecall, jinming knew she would not contact him anymore, he somehow had a feeling of something, something just brother him...dunno why....he just dun feel right about something....he was happy to recieve her call.

Jinming texted a sms to her while she was sleeping.
" my webcam had not been use since 10 august till now, it had always been waiting for someone, only that ppp, my webcam miss her."

The whole day gone, she did not even gave a reply on that sms.

Uknown to jinming, on the other side of the story, Quiton had became peijing bf, they met up almost everyday,Johnston became quite miserable, keep drinking everyday alone, he did not know why peijing wana leave her? and as for kevin, he had MIA from peijing for quite awhile.....kevin last send peijing some cookies from japan was 2 weeks ago.

None of the guys knew peijing had already had a sudden bf, quiton.

Jinming really puzzled, he still hope peijing will speak to him more like last time....he still hope to understand peijing more even thought he knew peijing will not love him cause of kevin.

The tag board/msn message part 20

2007-10-02T03:41:00.000-07:00

Unknown to johnston,jinming and kevin....peijing had already been with quiton for a couple of days....quiton brought her lots of branded stuffs, to anywhere she like to go, pamper her just like a princess.

Jinming had decided to give up peijing, cause she really make him suffer....on the 8 of sept, she again tag in his blog.

peijing typed.
" imu, and i really meant it, i miss webcammming with you now!!! "

peijing at the same time texted jinming in msn.
" i hope you have a good holiday in LA, and i really miss you lots "

Jinming saw it, he was numb....that night he decided to forget her, he deleted her off from his msn list...but he did not block her.

And at the same time,he also delete her off from his friendster list, he knew something is going to happen....he sense something not right about peijing....unknown to jinming, quiton had already become peijing's bf.

Jinming felt rather sad to do these two foolish act by deleting her away....the only way to forget her is to dislink her, he made up his mind not to contact her....althought he delete her away...he would view her friendster and blog everyday without fail.

on 9 of sept, peijing posted a shoutout message in friendster.
"loveulikecrazy"

johnston saw it, jinming also saw it....johnston was sad to know she actually ditched him and had a bf so fast....at jinming side, he still wondered??/ he really puzzled about that message? is it to kevin?

the same day, he finally found kevin in her friendster list, the hiroshima guy that she like and always mentioned in her blog....in kevin testimonial, jinming saw a message by peijing to kevin.

11 sept by peijing
"ermmm i miss you."

This made jinming ready to give up peijing, he really hope kevin is the missing piece for her, he wants her to be happy, with the guy she really needs and like...jinming knew his chances is limited.He just want peijing to be happy.

The reappear her - part 19

2007-10-02T03:40:00.000-07:00

On the 2 of sept...Peijing finally appeared out of nowhere, jinming had just came back to his hotel with his friends...he saw peijing online.

Jinming texted her in msn.
" hi, how are you? your eyes getting better? "

Peijing replied.
" im ok. tell you something, you dun worry ok? "

Jinming.
"ok"

peijing.
" i did not reply your sms,because im in hospital, i stay there for 1 week, cause of my eyes again...infected again."

Jinming.
" are you ok? why you never tell me at all? "

after that peijing went offline without saying anything.....

Jinming texted a sms to her.
"I DUNNO WHY??? TALK TO YOU EVERYTIME IS LIKE TALKING TO AIR, YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK TO U PROPERLY, YOU JUST LIKE TO HIDE."

haizzzzz, jinming tuck into his blanket and sleep, liting was beside him, she knew this brother of her is really sad, the next day she talk to jinming.

Jinming is just too stubborn to listen to liting.

The crestfallen jinming - part 18

2007-10-01T17:39:00.000-07:00

It had been 1 week, he sent a few sms to her, all are not reply.Jinming really wondered what happen to peijing?

Jinming sent a sms to peijing on 28 august,
" hi, how is your eyes? why you did not reply my sms? are you avoiding me? "

On 29 august,jinming sent her another sms on 12 am sharp.

"happy birthday to you peijing"

His messages wasn/t replied at all.

During this period, jinming went Los Angeles with weisiong and jianwei, they meet liting, jinming singapore's friend there.

Jinming felt sad during the trip, he was not cheerful at all, he keep thinking that why she never reply his sms? since the day 10 august after he knew kevin exist, he was not happy at all.He wanted to call her, but scare the phonechat will ended in less than a minute due to peijing.

Liting had been asking jinming not to think too much about her, weisiong and jianwei had tried their best to cheer jinming up.

On the other side of the hemisphere, peijing ditched johnston, she had even demanded $$$ from him to abort their baby....unknown to johnston, peijing wasn/t even pregnant, she just wana use the $$$ to celebrate her birthday in one of the club.

Johnston actually believed her and gave her the $$$.

On the night of her birthday party, she knew quiton from macy, her friend.And from that day onwards she had been dating with quiton.

suddenly so many guys appeared....johnston,kevin,quiton?????? only kevin, jinming knew he exist.

The MIA her - part 17

2007-10-01T14:09:00.000-07:00

After that phone call, peijing did not call back jinming.

He knew something is not right, "guessing game" keep appear in his mind, that whole week, he sent her 5 sms, but none of them was replied.

Jinming gave her a offline msn message, asked her if she is still joining them for the Los Angeles trip?

Peijing replied in a offline msn message.
" i can/t join you for the trip, maybe next year feb, i can come and find you during winter. "

Unknown to jinming from the start.

Peijing intially had a boyfriend, but she did not tell jinming about it, that mystery boyfriend, was johnston.

Johnston was a manager of a finance company,she was peijing's boss, he had been dating peijing for the past 2 months before jinming knew peijing....peijing lie to jinming that she did not have a boyfriend.

All this while, jinming was kept in the dark, where he thinks that her heart only had the hiroshima guy, he was kevin.

And all this while, in peijing's blog, she had only mentioned about kevin all the while, in her heart, the missing piece is actually kevin.

While peijing MIA from jinming for that period of 1 week, she resigned from the company and she also left johnston.

Johnston was devastated, she left without saying anything....not even a single bye.

In another hemisphere, Jinming miss her lots, he really wondered what she is doing? how is her eyes?

The surprise birthday cake and sad reply - part 16

2007-09-30T11:39:00.000-07:00

His friday, her saturday.

Jinming as usual had just finished his work...his 11pm in friday and her 2pm in saturday, the time different between them is something special, jinming had felt that peijing kind of hiding something from him.

Jinming looked at his clock, already 150pm, no news of the mango cake sent to her house, he was waiting for the staff in emicakes to send him a msn mesage indicate the cake had been send, he sat by his laptop and at the same time he was reading peijing recent post in her blog and also the deleted xanga blog entry about him, the same that entry had been refresh a few times, it is gone forever!

155pm, peijing sent jinming a sms, its HER!!!!!

Peijing texted.
" i really dunno what to say when i see the cake, thanks you very much, love. and im online now. "

In the msn, jinming saw her online, he was kind of happy to see her again....

peijing typed in msn.
" boy, really thanks for the cake, i really can/t bear to eat it. "

5 minutes gone.

Jinming did not reply her at all, he was puzzled what to say to her? he was thinking of the hiroshima guy that she liked, that guy had just sent a LV bag for birthday present and some chocolate from Japan....compared to the gift he sent...is nothing.

10 minutes gone, jinming still did not reply her....

peijing texted again.
" hey, what are you doing now? you wana call me now? "

Jinming finally replied her.
" im blogging, ok i will call you in 5 minutes time. "

At this moment, the staff from emicakes msged jinming in msn.

staff from emicakes typed.
" hey Jinming, the mango cake had been sent, wish you good luck and all the best, i bet she would like it very much from a nice guy from you, you are really one kind of guy, from your blog i had read, you are really romantic and sentimental....jiayou!. "

Jinming wondered awhile, he was thinking should he give up peijing? cause he knew all the while she had been missing the hiroshima guy, she everytime mentioned about him in her blog...but not jinming.

Jinming miss her, he really wanted to hear her voice....so jinming called her.

Ringggggggggggggggg,ringgggggggggggggggggggg.

Jinming voice.
" hello, how is your eyes? getting better? "

Peijing replied.
" i can/t really hear you,where are you? can you speak louder? "

Jinming replied.
" hello, hello, can you hear this time? "

peijing.
" yeah, much more clearer, so where are you? are you walking to somewhere? "

Jinming.
" nope, im in front of my laptop, so do you like the cake? "

Peijing.
" yes, very much, thank you, why did you choose mango cake? "

Jinming.
" cause i once saw you eat mango cake in front of the webcam, i think you will like it."

Peijing teased jinming.
" you got miss me or not? you said in your blog, you say you miss my mole is it? "

Jinming shocked and shy.
" ermmmmm,argghhhh...ya...if you think i miss you means i miss you lor, if no means no lor. "

Peijing giggles.
" i know you miss me, ermmm what did you ordered? you still have something to give me is it? you stated in your blog said you have ordered something but have not reached? what did you buy for me? "

Jinming at this moment stunned, he did not expect her to say those words, he suddenly think that she kind of craving for something, another side of peijing showed,in jinming's heart, he was crestfallen for what she asked.Actually the order thing is the cake.

Jinming replied.
" er, no lah, nothing, nothing...i did not order anything."

Jinming really dunno what to talk to her, he feel abit sad, he just dunno why??????? he should be happy talking to her in phone, yet he felt sad.

At the same time, peijing internet connection was in offline....while she was still in phone with jinming.

Peijing said.
" Do you know how to set up the router for the wireless thing, i have problem in it,keep offline. "

Jinming replied,
" im not very sure, maybe you could asked singtel? you just changed a new connection?

Peijing replied.
" ermm yup, im busy now, why don/t we talk later? i call you later or you call me later ok? . "

Jinming replied.
" can i say no? ok lor, you go do your things. "

In jinming's heart, he knew she wun call him for sure, even sms nowadays seem less and no reply at all...but he really hope peijing would have a happy birthday, she would eat the cake and celebrate with her family.

He knew at night, she will be having a party at Velvet Dragon, he just hoped she would enjoyed herself there but not drunk till vomit blood again...dunno why? jinming just felt hurt by her question about the order things....that night, he switch on his thai mp3 and blast them to his sleep.

The sick Jinming - part 15

2007-09-29T23:18:00.000-07:00

The hottest period of summer, this is the first time jinming experience summer in this desert, arizona....the average temperature is 40 degrees here for summer...jinming had a slight fever and feel very weak at work.

He feel so trouble, he wonder why peijing did not reply his sms? he asked himself why why? @ work, he keep asking elvin about it, why why? elvin just give him one answer,

" girls nowadays are very weird lah....don/t think too much about her, it will affect your work."

After work, jinming was kind of bored and hungry, it had been a long time he had a good dinner, so he asked his colleagues out for a dinner, yiming,zhuping,jianwei,elvin,gao an went with him....but the "kuku" jinming make a wrong turn in one of the intersection, he nearly got himself into a accident, lucky the steering wheel he moved was fast enough, if not his car could have been crashed by the lorry.

He was lost awhile in some car park, his hp was in slience mode, zhuping had called him 3 times, it was not answered.....after awhile, jinming finally found the place.

The same, once jinming got home, his first thing is to on his laptop....to see if peijing is online, he finally saw her msn message!!!! it was a offline msn message by peijing.

peijing typed on

23 aug ,540am

" i know you are @ work,i did not reply your sms,cause im using hi card,please take care of yourself, drink more water ok? i kinda miss you very much, i hope there will be no other ppl that comes between us. iloveu "

Jinming is so delighted to see her msn message, the same night he sms her again.
Jinming texted.

" peijing,how is your eyes? don/t wear contact lens for the time being ok? take care, i really miss you very much."

peijing replied.
" i will, i miss you too, i gonna sleep, msg you tml when i go work, night, love. "

The Birthday cake and surprise - part 14

2007-09-28T22:42:00.000-07:00

Jinming wanted to give peijing another surprise....that night after his work, he went home search for online cake shop....he planned to give her a birthday surprise...early on...peijing had told jinming that on the first week of sept, she may come and visit him....she had been viewing the tickets online.

Jinming had already planned a 1 week holiday to Los Angeles with his 2 friends, weisiong and jianwei....plus one of his singapore friend, liting is joining them for this trip....he hoped peijing would joined them too...he even asked liting if she could help to book the air tickets for her,cause liting is a air crew.

Jinming thought she would really come,he really hope he could see her.Unknown to peijing, jinming had booked a hot air balloon trip in california,Los Angeles and planned to celebrate her birthday for her in it...he had emailed the detail everything to http://www.hotairtours.com/ .

On the other hand, he had also ordered a birthday cake for her from http://www.emicakes.com.sg/cart/cakespic/standard/mangoultimate_index.htm , a mango cake, cause he remembered he once saw her eating mango cake in front of the webcam.

Jinming had planned the cake to be reached from 1 to 5pm in between, he knew at this time she would be at home....he even got the emicakes msn and even chatted with the staff in msn for a few days....the staff from emicakes said he is so sweet and romantic.

But jinming had not seen peijing for this few days online, he wonder how is she? whenever jinming saw the staff in emicakes online, he would msn her and asked how is the going? will the cake reach on time? the wordings on the cake is right? he wrote on the cake.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEIJING"

The staff from emicakes had been chatting with jinming a couple of days....jinming just miss her lots.

Before he sleep, he texted a sms to peijing.

" hi ppp, i miss you, how come so long never see you online? how is your eyes? "

The accompany phone call - part 13

2007-09-27T21:25:00.000-07:00

After a long wait, thanks for the support peeps, the long awaited part 13 is back.

Her 4pm, his 1am.

After so long, peijing finally appear again! she left a tag message on jinming's blog on 19 august 0620am.

she tagged.
"imu, althought nowadays i dun talk much, i miss your voice, iloveu"

Jinming saw it, he was happy to see her tag on his blog....he was about to sleep at this hour, but peijing came online this time....his 1am her 4pm.

Jinming was worried about her infected eyes, he dunno how is she? how is her eyes?

Peijing message jinming the moment she came online....their conversation started like this.

Jingming typed.
" how is your eyes? getting better? still got swollen?"

peijing replied.
"still abit pain, but ok."

jingming.
"where is the jbear i gave you?"

peijing.
"by my side, accompany me sleep this few days,has become my chouchou pillow"

jingming.
" dun bully jbear ok?, if you ill treat him, he will report to me."

peijing.
"i will not."

then suddenly their conversation was cutoff, peijing went offline.Jinming was puzzled by the sudden offline her....he waited for her by his laptop.

15 mins later, peijing smsed jinming.

she texted.
"can you call me now? "

Jinming called her.

Peijing told jinming she is going to the hospital now, her eyes is getting serious, the doctor gave her a letter to SGH...jinming is worried but he can/t do anything....he was with her in the phone from the moment she step out of the clinc till she went home and pack her stuffs then to the hospital.

He accompany her for about 1 hour in phone.

Till her name was called, even when she entered the room of the doctor, he is still there with her, jinming voice accompanied her, until the doctor asked her to drop the phone.

30 mins later, she messaged jinming again....jinming called her again....lucky she no need to stay in the hospital.....the phonechat last within 5 min, peijing was busy on the another line meeting her "dad" ....she told jinming, she is going to attend the 7th month ghost festival dinner.

That night of jinming, he slept at 4am and wake up at 7am.....he worried about her eyes,he can/t do anything but just accompany her in the phone till she reached the hospital.

That night, he also discovered something about her, she don/t like to stay in hospital with old peoples.

Love is?

2007-09-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

Love is not falling for $
love is not greedy
love is pure
love is simple
love is not branded
love is not sweetalk
love is not flirting
love is not boostful
love is willingly
love is only the heart knew it,not your mind.

Love is not showing with good gifts.
Love is not pretended
Love is concern and care.
Love is not make use of.
Love is when i suddenly think of you.
Love is not only word.
Love is not sex.
Love is not hurting others.
Love is when two old couple hold hands walking in the park.

The seldom chat her - part 12

2007-09-15T12:54:00.000-07:00

After that night of truth, it seemed that is not that sweet anymore...the conversation between them turns dull....not much words...jinming also seldom see her in msn, as her computer was infected by virus.

There were a few times that jinming called her, their conversation ended in just 5 mins, cause peijing was sleeping due to the infection of her eyes.

Jinming had really no chance to move a step into her heart, her shut door and door bell never ring.

He could only pen down his feeling in his blog, how he feel everyday for her.

He recieved another tag board message from her on 19 aug 7.19pm
"ppp: imu, althought nowadays i dun talk much,im having serious mood swing,sorry, i miss your voice, iloveu "

He miss her too, but what can he do? He wanted to hear her voice, but he scare,not more than 5 mins,peijing will wana end the chat and sleep.

Jinming can do nothing but wait...he hope her eyes is well....so he don/t dare to disturb her.

He knew her mood swing must be because of the hiroshima guy, he had been ignoring her.

In life, there is only 2 thing that lead us to mood swing, one is love ,one is $.

The surprise birthday flower and bear - part 11

2007-09-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

It supposed to be a surprise to her, but jinming accidentally told her about the gift he wanted to give her that sad night.

He waited for hours and hours,his friday and her saturday....he counted exactly what time the gift will be deliever to her house...suppose to be from 1 to 5pm sg time.

155pm, peijing smsed jinming.
" who say i dun like it(the gift), i like it very much lor,thanks,im online now.love"

Nudge jinming in msn by peijing.
"boy, really thank you for the roses and bear, who say i dun like it, i stared at the flower and bear for 5 min and keep snapping picture of it non stop "

Ever since, she used the bear and roses pic as her msn display pic, jinming was so happy to see it....she also wrote a blog entry on her old blog about this bear and flower, but she never mention a name of jinming was the one who sent, she only stated a gift from states....in her "new" blog, the picture of the bear and flower was displayed up on her pictures log.

That day they did not chat much...althought jinming happy to know that she like the gift, in his heart, that mystery deleted blog entry still haunt him....his heart is always why? why? why?

Is it fated or what? peijing's msn got virus, keep shutting down by itself...this also affected their chat.

The tag board message - part 10

2007-09-15T12:28:00.001-07:00

This truth really hurt him, not really cause of that guy, but the mystery deleted blog entry, till now, it is still a mystery to himself.

Jinming think of what she had told him the whole night, in his mind, he keep thinking about her and the truth.....he was asking himself..should he give up?

He dislike to be 3rd party, he thinks that if she really like him, and the hiroshima guy really treat her well....he himself should not have appear in the picture between them.

Jinming can/t do anything...this thing had been brother him all the while.

While he was writing his blog, that blog had been with him for years, he never failed to note down all the deep thoughts he had these years, no matter happy or sad.It had been part of his life.

Jinming saw a tag board message by her on 11aug,5.24am
" ppp: i miss u, can you dun look at the bad side? i never give up on you, why u giving up urself? iloveu "

Jinming was happy yet sad to see this message, he knew no matter how to compare, he is just a replacement or a standby in her heart?

He like her, he decide not to give up, he will wait....he once promised peijing that no matter what happen, he will be always by her side, always be there for her.

That night, Jinming spent a few hours reading whole of her old blog, every words,every sentence and every paragraph she once wrote.

He hope he would understand her.

The answer - Part 9

2007-09-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

Jinming puzzled for quite long.

Finally he brace himself up, and text a sms to her. asked her why did she deleted the blog?

No answer from her still.

So he decided to call her....the phone rang for less than a minute.

She answered the call.

Jinming.
" how your eyes? you having a infection? you ok? ermmm why did you delete away the blog entry and frienster testimonial i gave? "

peijing.
" what delete? what thing? i had never touch the computer whole day as i was resting on my table, i only went in to blog about my eyes. and i never see any testimonial before " im very tired now, i called you later, bye "

Jinming was quite confused about the mystery deleted blog entry, only she had the password excess to it, he was sad that she did not tell off the truth.

He texted her a few sms, say wana talk to her.

She replied.
" sorry just now i was sleeping on my table, what you asking about? "

Jinming texted her in sms.
" i wana talk to you when you reached home. "

When peijing reached home after her bath.she gave a video call in msn to jinming.

They had a quarrel, jinming was asking about the deleted entry, she said million of times that she did not delete it.

Jinming asked and asked.
"you have a boyfriend is it? " "that guy you went out with thursday is your boyfriend? "

Peijing replied angrily.
" my friend is a girl not guy, i don/t have a boyfriend, if you wana think is boyfriend then boyfriend, whatever you think, i dun care!!!! you are not my boyfriend,you have no right to ask me this and that ! ok!

Jinming keep quiet, abit hurt by her words...he did not sound anything.

Peijing.
"sorry" ( for her blunt words )

Peijing.
"ok, i admit i like someone now in hiroshima,japan. That guy keep ignore me and hackcare about me.But he is not my boyfriend,im single."

Jinming really shocked, to his mind again???? he asked himself.
"am i the 3rd party again?"

Jinming replied.
"so im the 3rd party between you and him,i should not have come into this picture"

Peijing.
"No, you are not ok! im single, yes, you come into the picture, but i like you too "

Jinming was really sad to hear that, he keep asking himself why?

Peijing.
"let be friends first, till you know me well that you decide wana put feelings in "

Jinming was heart broken to hear the truth.

Both cried.

Jinming.
"promise me, you will go and see a doctor tml ok?"

peijing.
"ok i will, no worries"

peijing.
"promise me, drink lots of water and come back straight away go sleep"

jinming.
"ok"

So this was the truth that jinming found out, that whole night,he did not sleep at all, he chatted with her till 730am in the morning.Reality is so cruel, now he knew that her heart had actually occupied by someone, that guy in hiroshima.But he knew he like her....his feeling is confusing....the truth hurt him.He dunno what to do.

It was the very last time jinming saw her in webcam, her swollen eyes.

The deleted blog entry - Part 8

2007-09-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

It was friday, a long day for jinming, he had just came back from work.As usual, he would touch the mouse pad of his laptop....the black screen will brighten up....he saw 3 msn messages!!! but none of them is from her, all are his friends.

As usual, he would wash his clothes, cook his dinner and sit by his laptop to write his blog and browse the net.

He went to peijing's blog, to his shock??? that entry! that entry about him had gone!!! that entry that peijing wrote about him, her feelings towards him is deleted? he was really puzzled....he thought maybe his internet explorer has fault, he restart his laptop and keep refresh the page...and he confirmed that it had been deleted!

In jinming's mind and heart, both asked the same thing.
" why? why? why? "

He went to peijing's old blog, he saw actually she had changed and used back this old blog....her last entry was a short one....she stated that her eyes is swollen and infected.

He texted sms to her.
"peijing, you ok? what happen to your eyes? "

She did not reply at all....1 hour..2 hour...3 hour

He found something is wrong, he very confuse.....finally he decided to ask her why she deleted the entry? but the sms he texted wasn/t reply.

He wait and wait and waited....still no news from her....he was thinking if he should call her? he puzzle and puzzle and puzzled.

In jinming's mind.
" should i? "

The someone

2007-09-13T13:19:00.000-07:00

To love someone, you not only have to love the good things in him or her.To love her/him, first he must accept what he/she is.

You must learn to love his/her bad things too.

To like someone, it maybe a short time.

To love someone, you need lot of time.

To miss someone, when do you?

###Commercial break time###

2007-09-13T01:53:00.000-07:00

A nice music video by FIR .... ah qing

A break from the story, let listen to some nice song.

The make up - part 7

2007-09-11T15:54:00.000-07:00

His 1am, Her 4pm

Again they met in this square monitor, it was national day, 9 of august.

It was also the first time, jinming saw her in makeup, peijing was preparing to go out with her friend.

It was also the last time both see each other in web cam.

It was also the first time that jinming feel something, just a wierd feeling, looking at the makeup her, he seem like dunno who is she.

Jinming overheard her phonechat with the friend while webcamming, he kept slience and peijing went to prepare herself.

Her last msg in msn to him was,
" im going out le, miss you, love"

The tears - part 6

2007-09-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

Jinming had wake up early, but 3 hours earlier than his normal wakeup time, he wana see her online....and yup he did.

his 4am, her 7pm....she had just finish work and he is going to prepare for work.

Jinming cherished the time he had with her, 8am his working time, he would spent even the last minute to be in webcam with her, 745am is the latest timing he rush to work.

That day, before jinming and peijing ended their chat, jinming saw peijing wipping her eyes, kind of a sad face.

In jinming mind.
"is she crying?"

Jinming asked peijing.
" what happened to you? huh? your eyes very dry is it? is it cause of contact lens? or are you crying? "

peijing replied.
"yup, my eyes is kinda of dry"

The last song that played in jinming laptop before he ended this chat was when i fall in love by matthew dean...after this song they will end this chat.

Lucky, jinming was not late for work, after he park his car, he smsed peijing.
" Have a early night, i miss you "

peijing replied.
" i miss you too, actually just now i cried, i also dunno why? is the feeling that make me cry, feel abit stupid crying for a person i dunno well. "

jinming sent.
" don/t cry le, make me worry "

peijing replied.
" how i wished you were by my side now, decorate my room with me, spend time with me, i miss you"

jinming sent.
" how i wish too, dun cry le, i miss you, hope the first thing when im back home, will be able to see you online "

The Flower and bear - part 5

2007-09-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

Jinming felt so sweet, he thinks he is in love with peijing, she is always in his mind while at work.They would send a few sms to each other while both not online.

This was her 3rd sms to him. she texted

" hi boy, morning to you, i hope my sms will brighten your day, im now at boat quay drinking with my friends, will msg you once i get home, miss you"

And the same, his first thing after work, was look at his laptop for her....but she was not online....jinming remembered that end of the mth is her birthday, he wana give her a surprise, so he went online and search for something....first thing is his mind is flower and second is bear.

So he decided to send her both, after searching for sometimes, he placed a order from wonder flora for a bear and 12 roses for her, it will be deliever on saturday 11 august, cause he knew this would only be the time she will be at home.

Jinming kept it as a suprise to her.

He hope she will like it,althought it is just flower and bear compared to the expensive gifts she got from her friends.

That night of her and the evening of his, she showed jinming the things she brought today, small cute keychain and a cute soft toy, she told him, whenever she feel unhappy, when she look at the the soft toy, she would be happy.

And again, both chatted till fall asleep in front of webcam...seeing each other in sleeping in blanket is so sweet.

That night, jinming dream of her, it was a sweet one.

That blog entry - part 4

2007-09-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

Did love stuck between them? or it is just a crush in both party? they would webcam and see each other everyday.

Everyday the first thing jinming do, is to touch his mouse pad and hope the screen blink, it would be her, his laptop had not been close and her msn window had not been close since the day he met her.

Cause he dun wana end this chat, so the window will be left open althought the conversation is in a offline status.

peijing had created a new blog in xanga, she displayed some of her past photos in it and she wrote in her first entry - sunday, a short entry about the weather and how she abandon her old blog and get a new start on it and something about her on coming birthday.

Jinming saw it, he also began to browse throught her old blog, he read some of them...seem like he is getting interested in peijing.

while jinming was about to close the xanga window of her blog, he refresh the page and saw a new entry > the title was whenifallinlove, it was a entry about jinming that peijing had write, how she felt for this boyish guy, true feeling from the heart, in her blog the "J" is jinming? ermmm must be he think so, cause the things she mention is about him, but she also mention the distance bewteen them, so close yet so far....fall in love for her now is sweet and laughter,she mentioned that.

Jinming was real happy that she wrote something about him, right after he finished reading, he tag her in the comment list.

he texted.

" i love u............................i miss you"

After that blog entry, jinming would visit her xanga blog everyday without fail, to see any new entry about her? he also give her a new nick call ppp, somehow because of the piglets.

He would send her a sms everyday, to express the missing of her in him.And whenever he saw his msn message,sms, no matter how tired and stress is he in work, it really brighten his day.

In his msn nick, he texted.

"PPP,you are the reason that let me smile"

To him, she is kind of special,it is the feeling...jinming had slowly fall for her day by day.

The webcamming session - part 3

2007-09-10T00:38:00.000-07:00

Her sunday, his saturday, early morning while Jinming was at work,he send her a sms, he texted
"i miss u".

She replied in 2 text sms,
"i began to miss you alittle too,............you still dunno me well,i hope if we are not together,we still can be friends next time........."

Jinming wondered? but he keeps that sms in another folder of his hp.

sweeet? huh? confusing?

Right after he came home from work, the first thing he did is on his laptop, he hope he could see her.

So fated that once he log in, a few minutes later, peijing log in too....she had just wake up from sleep....Jinming saw the webcam icon on her msn, he wonder if he could see her, he asked for permission from her.

Intially, she rejected in the video conversation chat....but dunno why? she accepted the invitation from jinming.....the first thing both of them showed each other is not each other.But the room of each other, jinming showed her his messy room,his clothes on his bed,his pictures on his wall.Peijing showed him her bed,her dressing table,her fav smelly pillow and those piglets she likes.

Then finally the webcam was adjusted to see each other, he saw the "stone" look her, but was natural and nice, her eyes caught his attention....she saw the boyish him, the tann him.

The webcam session lasted very long,more than 6 hours, peijing even got her mum to webcam with jinming, was kind of funny, her mum even commented that jinming look like her god brother....peijing was suppose to go lunch with her mum but cause of this web camming session, she did not go.

It was sweet, both of them play msn game, UNO,chat alot of things....they even chat till both of them fall asleep in the webcam....both were lying on each other bed, talking in the mic....seem like there are only 2 person in their own world...so sweet.

When peijing wanted to end the conversation, jinming say no....peijing tease jinming why?

jinming said, nothing.

peijing had sense that jinming is interested in her, so she asked him.

"you like me is it?"

Jinming answered her back.

"if you think i like you,means i like you, if you think im not, then no lor"

that was the answer to it.

After that, both look at each other to sleep in webcam.

Jinming really thinks that this girl is abit special, she gives him the feel that want to fall in love again, he thinks he like her, but it will be hard for him...he seems so close in webcam but far as in distances.

he miss her, she miss "him"

2007-09-09T01:37:00.000-07:00

he miss her,she miss "him"
"he" MIA, she miss him
she miss him or "him"?

he want "him" to love her
"he" dunno go where
he hope she be happy
but he himself not happy

he love her
she love "him"
she like him?

she still miss "him"
she sometime miss him
he try not miss her
but he cannot miss

he know "him"
"he" dunno him
she dunno he know "him"
"he" dunno she miss him
she,he,"him" who miss who?

but i only know i miss you is the answer, no matter what? dun rage my heart.

The phone chat - part 2

2007-09-08T06:29:00.000-07:00

It was 0200 hours on his clock,Jinming was about to sleep, cause friday is always the longest day he stay at work,because of lounge, kind of really tired.

At this hour, it was her 1100 hours, peijing came online.Within a minute, she msg jinming,he was delighted.....she was at work using web messenger....they continue the chat....Out of sudden,dunno why? she gave her number to Jinming, and he called her in phone.

Intially peijing dun want, cause it feel weird, but jinming still call in the end...it was kind of funny....peijing took a break from her office and went down for a smoke and at the same time, she was on the phone with jinming.

Her voice sound like one of jinming's friend, crislyn, that phonechat lasted for 20 minutes...jinming found that this girl is quite special....dunno why? it is just a feel....it had been sometimes since this feeling came.

Jinming is a horoscope fanatic, he only get interested or fall for certain types of girls....it had been a long time since he had chatted with a girl for so long since his last mishap in 2005.

peijing is a virgo, it is in his category.

The on and off msn chat lasted about 2 hours after the phonechat and jinming fall asleep in front of his computer again.

That day, that message - part 1

2007-09-07T23:26:00.000-07:00

"Do you miss someone just by saying? or is the feel in it? the last time you said you miss me was 2 weeks ago??? after that, you went a miss....i wonder how are you?"

These messages is always on Jin ming's mind this whole week, he wonder how is she now? did his sms get throught her?

It all started a month ago,the "he" was jinming and the "her" is peijing.

Jin ming had just finished his daily run around the park near his house.He log into his internet, he saw someone in that forum,promoting some cards on the net, he just casually msg the person in that account and asked her something....a misunderstood message from that person in that forum lead to a beginning of love? Jinming was asking her about the card intro, instead of that,peijing intro herself as 20 female.

Peijing gave her msn to Jinming, and the chat begins......she told him, end of the month was her birthday, she plan to celebrate in a yatch.

That day the chat ended about 2 hours,cause jinming fall asleep in front of his computer.

Love

2007-09-06T23:21:00.000-07:00

Love

Love is a feeling, a way to express out your innermost care.
Love is a joy for two, to be together no matter sadness or happiness.
Love is a must for spiritual growth.
Love makes you real; otherwise you remain just a fantasy, a dream with no substance in it..
Love gives you substance,integrity.
Don/t avoid love.go through it,with all its pain.
yes its hurts..but if you are in love it does not matter.
in fact,all those hurts strengthen you.
sometimes it really hurts badly,terribly, but all those wound are necessary to provoke, to challenge you.

Love is not a passion,
Love is not an emotion,
Love is a very deep understanding that somebody somehow completes you.
The presence of the other enchances your presence

the feeling is strong, just that pure presence, nothing else, is enough to make you happy...you are in love

Sex is not love,
sex is just a exercise between two body,
so never think sex as love,
otherwise you will be deceived.

The feeling of being love...the care, the way of being possess by someone, the hug, the kiss by someone you love is totally undescriable.....it can only be feel.......where is the love?

Why this blog?

2007-09-06T01:21:00.000-07:00

I started my first blog in 2003,cause of first love.

Love what is the actual meaning of it? do you love someone just by saying? or is the feel that in you?

this blog by me, i will write some nice,beautiful,sad,romantic love stories that i had heard of,seen of or even experience it before.... or maybe some love stories that does not exist but created by me.

There will be poems and nice songs about love introduced in this blog too.

so peeps, just stay tune for this blog update.....and most of all, don/t forget about my personal blog @ cmstory.blogspot.com

cheers,
Muyi jerson
0126am
Location: Los Angeles, telegraph road